Determined.

I've been struggling to get through this week and I know from here on out it's only going to get harder. School, work, AiR, boyfriend, friends. It's hard to balance everything when you can only devote so much attention to so many things in any given time.

The first two day of school were pretty good. After meeting my instructors and professors, I got really excited to get on my griind. Haha, one of my professors has a reaaally thick accent that sounds like a mix of Sebastian and the chef from Little Mermaid and Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast.. It's gonna be an interesting semester with him haha. Other than classes, I got to walk around campus some and see a few people I hadn't seen in a while. I also watched some a cappella groups perform on Sproul which reminded me that AiR is about to start doing Sprouls, too. It's going to be hard to maintain energy and focus throughout the days with so much going on, but I just have to remember to stay on that grind. It's hard, but it's definitely manageable.

And going back to school also means going back to work. I was seriously dreading having to go back, but surprisingly it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I have some new co-workers, but my boss is still there for the time being. As long as I don't have to work those 8-10 hour shifts like I did last semester, I am straaaaight. Keep it short and simple. As long as I'm making my ends then that's all that matters.

I had a nice chat with my momma yesterday, and I miss her a lot. She and I have grown so much as mother and daughter, and I'm glad that I can see my own maturation through my relationship with her. I wouldn't have it any other way.. And I'm glad that despite all the things I've put her through in the past, she has forgiven me and never given up on me and my dreams. And to this day she is still pushing me to strive for something greater, and encouraging me to live my dreams so I don't look back on my past and regret anything. She's the best.

And though love sometimes hurts, I still put you first.

Miss Williams in My Dreams!

Literally! So I've been having weird dreams involving Pharrell Williams.. YUP. There it is. Haha.

Last week I had a dream that I went on tour with AiR and they decided to go out but I wanted to stay in the hotel. Coincidentally, Pharrell was staying in the saaaame hotel and we happen to meet up and vibe with it (non-sexually.. more like, musically). Then more coincidentally we end up staying in the same hotel room! So I had the big bed and he was still sitting on a chair.. Then I get up to do something and he straight jacks my bed so I end up sleeping on a small bed. But it's crazy cuz the me in my dream was thinking, MAN I wanna be in the same bed with him. HAHA.

Then last night I had a more realistic Pharrell dream. I dreamt that my sister had a recording sesh with NERD so she brought me with her to meet Pharrell. When we get there he goes up to me and says, You're Ashley's sister, right? And I'm like, Yeah.. Christine. And he's like dope. Or something like that! But most of my dream was just me sitting in the studio watching/listening to them sesh.

Aaaand so I guess that's who's been occupying my mind lately. Mm, if only it were reeeaaaal.. Ha!


K, gotta get back to campus. LATE.

Back on the Griiind.

It is now officially Wednesday which means classes start up today. I'm pretty much gonna be on campus the whole day from 10 to 530 with one 2-hour break from 1-3. This is my everyyy Wednesday (hopefully, if I get into all my classes). Not to mention I also have AiR every wednesday from 7-930. Talk about busy. I'm kinda excited but actually kinda dreading it more than I am excited. So we'll see how I feel tomorroww...

On another note, I'm daily being tested in every which way. I've found that I'm getting weaker.. Or maybe just not as strong as I used to be. Or maybe I just am getting tested more than I'm used to. I don't know what it is but I feel like I'm at an all-time low. Seriously. I hate feeling like this cuz I hate feeling weak. And this is so not me..

But I guess I gotta deal with it for now. Gotta get back on that grind that'll get me to where I need to be. Keep it positive. And keep the onward progression.

I just really don't need this right now..

At the End of the Day..

.. You wonder what it's all worth, cuz I'm up here struggling to keep myself sane. And yeah, all this time occupying myself with AiR has been doing that for me, but it can only take me so far. It's like I can't even be at peace with myself cuz my heart feels so heavy.

There's just too many things that I miss or wish I could be doing other than being so far from everyone I love.

On the bright side, my 11 hours with AiR were worthwhile. We performed at Caltopia and then twice at Sonoma State. On the way to Sonoma (about an hour drive) I heard allll these songs that reminded me of summer, especially of boyfriend. It sucked cuz it made me nostalgic all over again. But I guess that's just another part of dealing with all of this.

I just want to feel as happy as I did before...

I guess time will tell.

One Day Down...

And a billion days left until I'm back home in San Diego. This post is pretty much gonna be random ramblingssss soo brace yourself......

So the day was quiiiite interesting. I didn't get to sleep until about 3am or something like that, cuz I was packing and talking to boyfriend. I woke up at 630 and got ready and all that.. Then my parents took me to the airport. Wowww.. I was super tired. The flight to Oakland was alright; I don't remember any of it cuz I knocked out straight from take-off to landing.

I got my bags around 1045 and got back to Berkeley with the help of a friend. Had to pretty much dump my stuff in my room cuz I had to get to Cory Hall at 12. Wow. My new apartment is sooo muchhh farther from everything than my previous one. I mean I guess it's just an extra 5 minutes of walking, but I still have to get used to it... Haha. Anyway. Got to Cory Hall and was fiiiiinally reunited with Quang and Dyanne! I missed them so much. And the rest of AiR too, of course (; But we got a lot done.. I'm really impressed with our group this year cuz everyone is so talented and on top of their game. I must admit that despite my co-directorship I haven't been doing as much as I should be.. I need to step it up now that I'm back and just do what I gotta.

After our 7 hour singing marathon, I went home and ktfo'd. I was supposed to go to Quang's for dinner and hanging out but that never happened.. Haha my bad. But then I started organizing my room a biiit.. And much to my surprise Amanda came home! I forgot to mention that I came home to an empty apartment. But Amanda came home and we got to catch up a bit. I also forgot how much I missed her! We still have much to talk about but she had to go to boyfriend's apartment........ And I'm yet again in an empty apartment.

Anyways, it's weird because I feel really homesick right now. I know I'll get over it when classes start up and I start going out again and start to get busier, but as of right now I'm in an empty apartment, having to handle this alone. I'm sure all my friends at home are out right now, and even my roommate is at her boyfriend's. Hmm. It's okay though.. The feeling will pass.

I'm actually feeling quite tired despite my 2 hour nap. That nap was soo necessary though! I'm not sure if I'm ready for our 13-hour AiR excursion tomorrow.. I just hope my voice isn't too shot for our performances. I haven't been doing too much singing over summer and it's really taking it's toll right nowww.

So my phone is extremely sucky right now. It won't charge unless I hold it which suuucks cuz I'll be living on my phone for the next couple months.. Heh. Aaand I lost the middle button cuz it came off somehow. What I'm trying to say is.. I want a new phone. Hahaha.

Speaking of new things, I want to go shopping. I'm really tempted but at the saaame time I realized that I have to go grocery shopping anddd buy some books. I hate school sometimes..

I think my ramblings have gone on long enough. That is all.. For now.

LAAAAAATE

Goodbye, Summer 08.

It's 1am on Saturday morning and I'll be leaving my house at 7am for my 9am flight back to the Bay.

This summer has been theee most phenomenal summer I've ever had. The people I chilled with this summer have made it soo memorable.. Consistent friendships, re-kindled friendships, and even new friendships made everything that much more worthwhile. Some big things happened, too.. Like AiR coming down for SoCal tour 2008 and random LA trips in the beginning of summer. One of the BEST moments of the summer was the SF trip that was like the icing on the cake called summer. Honestly couldn't have picked a better bunch to go on that adventure with me. From 6am hookah seshes and hookah pong, to the best day of summer in SF, I cannot stress enough how great that trip was.

And that's that. Summer's been fun while it lasted and I wish it weren't over. And though my time spent in San Diego ends tonight, I hope to say that the friendships and new relationships that have formed within these past few months will persist despite me being back in Berkeley.

"Love is patient.."

Life is Love

.. And this is true. I've been having an amazing time living and loving and growing and changing and learning. There's been so much that I've held myself out on and I don't want to do that anymore. I'm absolutely loving the life I live and though it's taken twenty years for me to truly be in love with life, I'm glad I got here eventually.

That's all for now. (: