I had a really good conversation with my mom today, after I finally let her know what's been going on with me.. why I was so quiet during our shopping excursions this past weekend and why I was always "sleeping" so early.
It was one of the hardest things for me to do, to let my mom know the thoughts in my mind and in my heart. I always let on, with all people but especially with her, that I'm so strong and that I can handle my own. I never ever emit vulnerability when it comes to personal things, with anyone.. My trust is hard to gain. And despite how especially hard it is for me to show her that I am weak sometimes, and I am vulnerable, and there are a few things in life that have affected my emotional well-being, she saw right through me. So I just told her everything.. And she completely understood and reminded me of why it's right.. And although I already knew, she reminded me that there are things in our lives that are there to teach us things. And I know I've learned/am still learning from this situation (although I wish it didn't have to be so final).
I continually vibe off of her strength, cuz when I don't have the necessary strength to get myself through tough situations, my mom is always there helping me keep my head up and reminding me that I'm strong too and that through my 20 years of living I have gotten through some really hard times. I love my mom for that.
And to this day I am STILL trying to learn how to put my trust in other people. And how to let down my guard once in a while and allow someone to help me get through my shit. Cuz I know that I can't keep trying to do everything alone.
It's just a matter of time.
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